Being an INTJ has its advantages, but there are also some disadvantages. In this article and video, I’ll share five things that I hate (or dislike) about being an INTJ. I’m not saying these apply to all INTJs, but they do apply to me.
1. The Difficulty of Social Interaction
Even though INTJs can be the life of the party (if they want), we often struggle with social interaction, especially small talk. However, there are two other things that I find frustrating concerning social situations. First, social interaction drains me tremendously. With the exception of my wife and son, socializing almost feels like a physical exercise. I will need days (or even weeks) of rest before I’ll feel like socializing with another human being outside of my family.
Next, I’ve had this issue of people wanting to hang out with me or befriend me, when all I want to do is be friendly to them and enjoy their company when I see them. It’s not that I think I’m better than them or anything like that, although people love to suggest that INTJs have a superiority complex. I just value my solitude and like to stay busy with projects. However, I’ve had a real issue with people trying to latch onto me and then becoming upset when I don’t give them enough “time.”
I don’t understand why people want to hang out with me. I’m literally the most boring person on this earth, and I’m not even joking. I spend most of my days reading, writing, surfing the web, planning something, or pacing around the house while playing out imaginary scenarios in my mind. Yet, people attempt to hang out with me all the time. I’ll try to hang out with them, but then there’s this expectation that I’m supposed to hang out with them again the next week, text them, and so on. That’s a great blessing if you’re lonely, but I’m not in a position for that at this point in my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, I often have zero desire to hang out with people outside of my family. Zero. Sometimes, I just wish I had more of a desire to hang out with people. I wish I could flip a switch and be an extrovert for a while.
This creates a frustrating dilemma for me. On one hand, I want to be friendly to acquaintances and maintain good relations, but people get annoyed with me when I continue to turn down their invitations to hang out. It’s so hard to maintain a balance with social interaction, and I think that’s why so many INTJs get annoyed with it (and have the least satisfying friendships of all the types).
2. I Hate Thinking So Much
I hate how I can’t shut my brain off. I’m always thinking of things I need to do, ways things can be better, etc. I have endless imaginary debates. I honestly hate it when someone frustrates me, because it guarantees that I’ll be having imaginary conversations with him or her for the next day or two.
Furthermore, I hate how I’m always thinking about the future. I wonder what my life will be like in 10 years. I wonder if I’ll ever achieve my dreams. I wonder how and when I’ll die. I wonder if my wife and I will live to old age or if one of us will outlive the other. I wonder about my son’s future. I wonder about the future of politics.
Thinking is fine and dandy, but when you can’t shut it off, it’s like a continual drip from the faucet.
3. I Hate Planning and Analyzing Everything
Planning is something that comes naturally to INTJs, and there are many advantages in doing so. However, I wish I were more spontaneous and adaptable. I hate how the slightest disruption in my plans creates this extreme frustration on my part. I also hate how I tend to take life so seriously!
My ISFJ wife is also like this, but she’s not as extreme as I am. During the last vacation we took, I decided that we were not going to plan our day at all. Instead, we would just go places on a whim and do whatever we felt like doing at any given moment. It felt so good to do that. It was a radical change in what I typically do in a given day.
I’m trying to plan everything less, but I find it to be difficult. It’s a compulsion to plan and calculate every part of my life.
4. I Hate Having a Horrible Memory
I can memorize things, but it’s extremely difficult for me to do so. I remember the gist of things, and I’m a conceptual thinker. I don’t do well with rote memorization. I’m horrible at remembering street names, birth dates, anniversaries, Bible verses, names of people I just met, etc.
I have to repeat facts dozens of times for it to stick in my mind, and I’ll still forget it if I don’t rehearse the information again the next day. My memory isn’t very good, and I sense this on an almost daily basis.
I also have a hard time staying focused on things like studying. I have the tendency to read a page in a book, then I’ll stop and connect what I’ve read with my internal framework of ideas. It’s a long process. I have to absorb information into a conceptual model to “get it,” and even then I’ll skip the details.
Not surprisingly, many people associate the “introverted sensing” function (Si) with better memory recall. That function happens to come in at number eight (dead last) on the INTJ’s cognitive stack.
My wife is an ISFJ (dominant Si user), and when she was in nursing school, she could just sit there with a book and notes and study for hours. I’d have to study in spurts. She tends to recall concrete details. I recall the gist of things.
5. I Hate the Difficulty of Being Around People I Dislike
I’ve talked about this issue before in my “INTJ Doorslam” video, but I find it very difficult to be around people I dislike. There’s just this reluctance to enter the same room as them or be in their presence. Once someone has burned me enough or hurt someone I care about, it’s extremely hard for me to talk to the person.
The situation reminds me of that Seinfeld show, where Jerry would always cringe when he had to greet that Newman guy. That’s almost what it feels like. Just this cringe of having to be around someone I dislike. I find it really fascinating how other personality types don’t mind being around people they dislike, and they’ll even play passive-agressive games with them. Not me! I’d prefer never to have to deal with them.
I do believe you should love everyone, in the sense that you’re willing to help them out and that you have their best interests at heart. I also believe you should forgive people. However, I don’t think you necessarily have to enjoy everyone’s company.
Those are five things that I dislike about being an INTJ. I could probably think of more, but those came to my mind first. What do you hate most about being an INTJ? Feel free to visit my YouTube video and leave a comment.