How do INTJ personality types approach dating or romance? What should you expect when dating an INTJ? Are INTJs romantic?
First, it’s worth noting that many INTJs struggle with dating and may remain celibate for much of their lives. Many people believe that Isaac Newton, a classic INTJ example, died a virgin. INTJs have a way about them of becoming consumed with their ideas, careers, etc. So dating can sometimes take a back seat to other priorities.
Furthermore, INTJs are quiet, logical, and not very social, so finding a suitable partner can be difficult, although the internet has helped a bit in this regard. But many INTJs do have a need for some companionship.
INTJ Dating and Romance
Here’s some information about how INTJs may approach dating. Remember, these are only general tips. Every INTJ is different, so it’s up to you to ask questions and do your homework!
INTJ’s Idea of a Date
- Most INTJs would prefer to do something very low-key, such as a movie, walk in the park, dinner at your place (or possibly out to eat at a restaurant), a private picnic, etc.
- We tend to dislike extremely social events. So most INTJs probably wouldn’t want to be invited to a party, rave, dancing, broadway shows or musicals. The point here is that INTJs don’t want to talk to 50 people they don’t know. They find it very exhausting! However, some INTJs do enjoy plays and such.
- Don’t buy an INTJ guy flowers or a stuffed animal. I can’t speak for INTJ females, but most INTJ guys won’t like that stuff. (Update, at least one INTJ female has confirmed that she doesn’t like flowers either).
- Let us know in advance! We’re long-range planners, and so we don’t like short notice. Give us a week or two to plan the date.
General INTJ Dating Preferences
- INTJs have high standards, not necessarily for physical beauty (although I’m blessed because I’m married to a beautiful woman), but we are picky about a lot of different things. Religion, hobbies, politics, intellectual conversation—all of these things may come into play when we decide to date someone.
- If we like someone, we may look for signals of flirtation or interest before we pursue them or begin to flirt. INTJs can be sensitive to criticism or rejection, especially if the INTJ has a self-esteem issue.
- INTJs may have difficulty in approaching a person they are interested in dating. We may find small talk difficult, and we may have trouble getting the courage to ask a person on a date.
- On the other hand, we can be very flirty. I flirt with my wife still to this day. I live by the following motto: “Never flirt with another woman. Never stop flirting with your wife.”
- If someone flirts with an INTJ, the INTJ will respond if he or she is interested! However, INTJs don’t do well with subtle hints or social cues. Therefore, your flirting will have to be unambiguous. Tell the INTJ directly, “I think you’re cute” or “Would you like to go out to dinner?” If we don’t respond to flirting or shrug it off, the INTJ probably isn’t interested in you.
- INTJs may like a person but be reluctant to enter a relationship if there is something they dislike about you or your circumstance.
- INTJs will do dumb stuff if we fall in love: We’ll talk on the phone for hours, even though we hate talking on the phone to others. We’ll be more social, just because we like you and want to be around you.
- INTJs can be romantic and creative in relationships. When I proposed to my wife, I spread out flower petals and had candles lit. We can surprise our mates with gifts or other things, especially early on in the dating phase.
- INTJs can be jealous or possessive, but not in a crazy way. We expect committment in a relationship, and we’re usually willing to give it.
- Many INTJs hate to play games of “hard to get.” I wouldn’t recommend playing mind games with an INTJ (you’ll lose anyway, and they’ll drop you).
- INTJs don’t place a lot of emphasis on social customs. My wife and I eloped because I don’t care about the whole wedding thing.
- INTJs tend to buy practical gifts, and they also like receiving them. If you want to buy a gift, ask the INTJ, “What do you want?”
- I’m affectionate to my wife physically, emotionally, and verbally—but not so much with others. Keep in mind that the INTJ may need time to open up or express emotions. My wife is my best friend. I tell her everything, and she’s the only person I trust 100%. INTJs will often open up their souls and give their partners everything—if you allow them. But be patient.
In conclusion, those are a few thoughts on how INTJs approach the topic of dating. I also have an article on INTJ Dating Tips (written for INTJs looking for love). In conclusion, INTJs tend to approach dating in the same way they approach many things in life: They’re serious,