Are INTJs and ENFPs compatible for dating (romantic relationships) or friendships? What attracts these two types? What are some struggles or benefits these types may encounter in a relationship? Those are all great questions that I’ll try to address in this article and video.
INTJs and ENFPs seem to have a natural attraction. Many INTJs have left comments about ENFPs since I’ve started my YouTube channel. One INTJ has a crush on a suspected ENFP at his church, and another female INTJ is dating an ENFP, and on and on it goes.
INTJ and ENFP
David Keirsey was a well-known psychologist who focused on personality theory, and he thought that the ideal relationship compatibility for each type would be the exact opposite type in each of the four letter dichotomies, with the exception of the perception dichotomy (intuition or sensing). So, for an INTJ, the opposite for every letter (except the “N”) would result in the best compatibility with an ENFP type.
Before I go further, I will say this: I think it’s a great mistake to limit your dating to just one particular type. I’m an INTJ married to an ISFJ, and I feel that we were made for each other (she’s literally a gift from God). I’m going to make a video on MBTI relationship compatibility in the future, and I’ll discuss more about it. My feeling is this: You should use MBTI to understand your mate, not select your mate. But, yes, INTJs and ENFPs can be very compatible as a romantic couple or even in friendships.
Again, I don’t want to give the impression that ENFPs are the only compatible type for the INTJ, because that’s not true at all. In fact, even though there is an attraction between the ENFP and INTJ types, I’ve also encountered many forum threads and videos of INTJs and ENFPs discussing failed relationships with the other type. So, don’t focus too much on type (keep an open mind), and instead, use MBTI to help you understand your mate.
Nevertheless, I’ll now discuss some of the characteristics of this relationship type.
What Attracts ENFPs and INTJs?
Some people say that “opposites” attract, whereas others say that “likes” attract. I think both can be true. There’s something in all of us that wants to relate with others, yet we can also become intrigued by people with different traits and temperaments from our own.
I’ve read some INTJs or ENFPs describe their attraction to the other type as strange yet very intense. It’s almost as if they are unaware of the basis of the attraction, yet they feel it deeply.
INTJs may find ENFPs appealing due to their warm, engaging, and carefree approach to life. ENFPs can come off as high energy, creative, and flirtatious, which the INTJ may find appealing or even exotic.
INTJs often prefer others to make the first move or initiate the conversation, and ENFPs will usually be happy to do this. ENFPs may find INTJs to be intriguing due to our introverted, confident, structured, and intellectual nature.
As an aside, I think that many extroverted types view introverts in one of two ways: They view us negatively (as loner weirdos who need to be fixed), or they view us positively (as some fascinating mystery to explore and solve).
Cognitive Functions of ENFPs and INTJs:
- ENFPs have the following cognitive function stack: Ne—Fi—Te—Si
- INTJs have the following cognitive function stack: Ni—Te—Fi—Se
So, we both lead with a dominant perceiving function (intuition), but INTJ’s intuition is focused internally, where we spend time conceptualizing, planning, and seeking patterns in our internal world. The ENFP focuses externally, where they seek connections between relationships and things in the external world.
We share only two cognitive functions: Fi and Te, but they are in reversed order. Because ENFPs have more dominant feeling, they may come off as a little more sensitive or “feely” than the INTJ. INTJs may come off as a little too blunt due to their auxiliary Te. Nevertheless, there is a synergy that both types often experience due to these shared functions.
Sensing is the weakest function for both types, so both types are quite abstract and less concerned about the concrete details.
INTJ and ENFP Dating Relationship Benefits
There are many “perks” or “benefits” for relationships between INTJs and ENFPs. I’ll highlight some of the biggest ones:
- The conversations between these two types is often described as highly engaging and intellectually stimulating. Both types have dominant intuition functions. Therefore, there’s an interesting communication dynamic that can take twists and turns, which both types often describe as addictive.
- ENFPs can pull INTJs out of their shells and help them to socialize. INTJs can help pull ENFPs back to reality and help them to stay grounded.
- INTJs can give ENFPs more structure and focus in their lives, whereas ENFPs can add a more care-free approach to living. INTJs do tend to get very high-strung, especially the turbulent ones.
- ENFPs often come off as much more warm, approachable, and caring when compared to the INTJ, which INTJs often consider an asset in a relationship. INTJs can come off as organized, strategic, and responsible, which will complete the ENFP.
Interestingly, an INTJ female who is married to an ENFP, recently left an insightful comment on my “INTJ Female” video:
“I am difficult to be with. My beloved spouse (ENFP) likens me to a cat; if I want attention, I’ll ask for it. If I do not want attention, I’ll push him away (which he thinks is cute). We work very well together because he needs to be reigned in a given a sense of direction, and I need to be set free and reminded that not everything can be perfect 100% of the time. This is the most amazing relationship I have ever had the pleasure of being in.”
Relationship Problems between INTJs and ENFPs
Interestingly, the same things that can create attraction between these two types can also create endless tensions.
- ENFPs can sometimes get lost in thoughts and become too idealistic when communicating. NP types (people with highly preferred extroverted intuition) have the tendency to go off onto tangents. (My INFP mother does that all the time–it takes her 3 hours to tell me about a 2-hour movie). INTJs can become too blunt, critical, or practical when communicating, which can frustrate the ENFP when communicating. It’s not uncommon for an INTJ to hurt someone else’s feelings (go figure).
- ENFPs can have idealistic ideas, which may seem impractical or unnecessary to the INTJ. INTJs want to consider an idea if it has practical utility, and too much idealism can turn off the INTJ, especially if it seems too illogical or emotional.
- INTJs can become annoyed by the lack of structure, focus, or planning on the ENFP’s part, or the ENFP may feel that the INTJ is too rigid in his or her plans and objectives. So, an ENFP can become frustrated by the INTJ’s insistence on planning every minor detail, and the INTJ can become frustrated by the ENFP’s “let’s just fly by the seat of our pants and see what happens” approach.
- INTJs may get annoyed if the ENFP desires too much social interaction. INTJs are very solitary and get drained very quickly when they are forced into too many social situations. So, if the ENFP invites friends over a lot or desires to attend get-togethers, the INTJ may eventually get frustrated by all of the social stuff. Likewise, the ENFP may eventually become frustrated by the INTJs reluctance to engage in social situations.
- ENFPs do have a stereotype of being flirtatious, and INTJs may become frustrated if the ENFP flirts with other people, especially when the relationship becomes serious. ENFPs are very warm and engaging types, and they often don’t realize they are “flirting.” ENFPs may become frustrated with the INTJ’s low desire for spontaneous romance or physical intimacy.
In conclusion, INTJs and ENFPs are often considered to be a very compatible match. However, any of the 16 types (including dating your own type) can enjoy a wonderful and long-lasting relationship. I receive comments from people who have had happy and long-lasting marriages of every type (INTJ-INTP, INTJ-INTJ, INTJ-ISFJ, etc.). All relationships have their pros and cons, and you should use MBTI to understand each other’s quirks, strengths, and weaknesses.
If you want to know more about how ENFP and INTJ types interact, there are some channels on YouTube that feature INTJ and ENFPs in a relationship. There is one channel titled “MyersBriggsRelationship.” This channel has an INTJ female and an ENFP female roommates. They’ve created some funny skits to highlight the differences between the two types.
“MBTI Power Couple” is another channel with an INTJ male and an ENFP female in a romantic relationship, and you can watch their channel and see how they interact. They’ve shared some very interesting insights and experiences as well.
Are you an ENFP? I have a whole YouTube channel full of INTJs waiting to stalk you. Feel free to check it out (but only at your own risk…).