How do INTJs and ISFJs communicate? That’s a great question. After starting my YouTube channel, I’ve had at least 3-4 INTJ viewers ask me about this (they were married to or dating an ISFJ). There can be some quirks in communication for sure. However, I do believe that every personality type can have issues with communication (even INTJ-INTJ relationships!).
In this article (and video), you’ll discover some of those communication quirks.
INTJ and ISFJ Communication
Here are some of the quirks I’ve notice in our marriage, as well as a few tips on how we communicate better.
INTJ vs INTJ Communication:
- As an INTJ, I tend to get lost in my thoughts. My wife sometimes gets frustrated by this because she feels as if I’m not paying attention. This is something I’ve had to work on recently. My wife has to tell me, “Are you paying attention? This is important!” That means I better pay attention!
- INTJs see the big picture, whereas ISFJs are more focused on their immediate surroundings. In the past, I would want to have a deep discussion with my wife. I’d ask her some deep philosophical question, and she’d reply, “I don’t know. I don’t really ponder those deep things.” However, she has changed over time, and she is much more willing to talk about those things now. We have very interesting conversations on topics like religion, politics, etc.
- We always communicate before making a big decision. If I’m going to purchase something, I let my wife know about it. We have very open communication.
- We always keep communication lines open. We are very open with each other if one person begins to annoy the other. We’ll talk about our feelings. We have regular “sit-down” talks to discuss how we can be better.
- We don’t hold grudges. When we have an argument, we talk about our feelings, repent, and forgive. Then we let go of any feelings of aggravation.
- ISFJs have to let INTJs know what they want or what they think. My wife tells me–in a very direct way–if she wants something. She doesn’t leave any guesswork for me. She tells me what gifts she’d like, what she’d like to do for fun, etc. It makes life much easier for me. You can never assume the other person is going to know what you’re thinking.
- INTJs need time to cool off after an argument. ISFJs want to fix the argument right then. This creates some tension, but we deal with it. My wife has learned to let me cool off, but this is hard for her to do.
In conclusion, those are a few of the communication issues we’ve faced. We have an amazing marriage. We are best friends and totally inseparable. Our marriage is extremely important to us, and we’ve been married for 10 years as of this writing. You may also want to find out other ISFJ quirks.