Every marriage has its challenges. The key is to learn how to properly resolve the conflicts that are all but guaranteed to arise. These days, you have to fight to keep your marriage strong. As the saying goes, “Marriage is grand, but divorce is a hundred grand.”
In this article and video, my wife (ISFJ) and I (INTJ) discuss how we resolve conflicts in our marriage. It is extremely important to address conflicts as they arise. This will reduce tension and create a strong marriage.
In our last video on this topic, we discussed some of the INTJ-ISFJ relationship struggles.
INTJ and ISFJ Conflict Resolution
Early on in our marriage, we’d have some heated arguments here and there. Those have dwindled greatly as we’ve both matured and grown closer through the years. We’ve learned about each other’s quirks, so we handle those things quite well now.
Here are some things that have also helped us resolve conflict and/or reduce tension:
- At the first sign of tension (or after a heated argument), we always talk. In fact, sometimes we schedule regular talks every few weeks/months. During these talks, we are very respectful yet honest. I will ask my wife, “Is there anything I have been doing that has bothered you lately? Is there anything I can do to improve as a husband, father, or Christian?” My wife will tell me, and then she’ll ask me similar questions. We both apologize, confess our wrongs, and agree to work on those issues (and we always follow-through on it). Communication is paramount to any healthy relationship!
- We make time for dates. It’s important to keep the flame alive. We do this by having regular dates or planning a fun getaway for a night or two. We have learned that it helps us to grow closer and relax. We both have a drive to accomplish, so sometimes we take life a little too seriously. It’s nice to unwind and have a little fun. Also, sometimes other events in your life can be a source of tension (career, finances, family, etc.), and if you don’t have some fun, that tension can spill over into your marriage.
- We never say anything bad about each other. A huge mistake that many couples will make is that, rather than confront the other person, they will go and tell everyone else about the problems in the relationship. I’ve heard women go on and on about how bad their boyfriends are, how they never do this or that. Big mistake! I never say anything negatively about my wife to anyone, ever! My wife never says anything bad about me to anyone, ever! This keeps our marriage strong and increases trust. It gives us time to work out issues. Also, when you tell other people about conflicts, you’re almost certain to get some very BAD advice.
- Tell the person the problem directly. This relates to the previous point, but you have to learn how to discuss issues directly and maturely. A regular sit-down talk is the way my wife and I do it. You can talk or confront each other about issues in whatever way you want to do it. I’d only advise that you do it maturely and as soon as an issue arises. Again, learn to communicate, communicate, and communicate some more.
In conclusion, those are some tips that have helped us resolve conflicts and tension within our marriage. We’ve been married over ten years now, and we have a fantastic and exceptionally close marriage.