Are you an angry INTJ? Do you ever struggle with anger? Interestingly, the MBTI manual states that INTJs had a very low rank for getting “upset or angry and showing it” as a coping resource for stress (238). In this video, I’ll discuss some things that make an INTJ angry, how INTJs express anger, and some tips on how to control your anger as an INTJ.
INTJs and Anger
Of course, every INTJ is a bit different, but these things will likely characterize many INTJ types. Let me begin with some things that may make an INTJ angry.
What Makes an INTJ Angry?
Many INTJs are known to have a very long fuse with a big bomb at the end of it. It’s easy to irritate INTJs but difficult to make them very angry or filled with rage. If you’ve done that, watch out! They’ll be ready to take some kind of dramatic action (cutting you out, calling the police, quitting their job, etc.).
Here are some things that could make an INTJ very angry:
- Talking about them behind their backs, especially if it’s a lie. Any type of slander or gossip can irk an INTJ.
- Telling personal details of our lives to other people makes us angry. We’re private people.
- Not listening to the INTJ when he or she tells you that something is bothering them. If an INTJ confronts you about some issue, it’s probably a VERY BIG DEAL to the INTJ. Take him or her very seriously!
- INTJs will become angry if you attempt to harm them physically, if you damage their property, or tamper with their career.
- If you insult or hurt someone an INTJ loves or cares about deeply, it will anger that INTJ.
- Any type of backstabbing, worthless criticisms, etc.
How do INTJs Express Anger?
INTJs can vary in how they express their anger, and there may be slightly differences based on whether the INTJ is turbulent or assertive. Generally speaking, many INTJs have a very calm and reserved demeanor. INTJs rarely show their emotions on their faces, especially if they are in a public setting or around people they don’t know well. In fact, we may have the death stare, and people often assume that INTJs are angry when they’re not.
When INTJs become angry, they tend to clam up. They’ll become very quiet. They may be very short with their answers or responses. INTJs internalize and analyze offenses on a deep level. When someone makes me angry, I’ll probably be debating them in my head for the next week, thinking of how ridiculous it was for a certain person to do or say something. I’ll even have fantasies of what it may be like to tell them how I feel, or whatever.
INTJs may ignore a person, scoff at something they say, or minimize my contact with them when they’re angry. If an INTJ is at a social get-together, he or she may leave it earlier than planned.
When very angry, INTJs may launch into a debate or argument or overreact by being extremely confrontational. They may raise their voice, use profanity, make threats, etc. They may become very cynical or sarcastic toward a person.
INTJs may even seek to insult you directly and viciously. INTJs can have lethal tongues. They can put you down, rip you to shreds, and criticize you in a particularly cruel way. They have a knack for bringing up every annoying thing you’ve ever done to them when they become angry.
INTJs may itemize lists of offenses in their minds and then let you know everything you’ve ever done wrong, such as dumb choices you’ve made, your personal or character flaws, etc. INTJs may then cut you out of their lives forever and never look back. However, many will forgive and reconcile
Most INTJs don’t get physically violent. However, there are always exceptions. If an INTJ is extremely provoked, on drugs, or going through some mental problem, it’s always possible that he or she will become physically aggressive. However, most INTJs will be verbally aggressive or emotionally upset, not physically violent.
How to Control Your Anger as an INTJ
Here are a few tips to control your anger as an INTJ personality type.
- Prevent anger from building up too much by rebuking people directly in small increments, rather than bottling up your emotions and exploding. Many INTJs neglect this due to the emotional energy and time it takes to confront someone. However, it’s easier to do it as it happens, even if it is uncomfortable.
- Cool off before a confrontation. Allow your emotions to cool off after someone did something. Thomas Jefferson said that if someone makes you angry, count to ten before you respond. If they make you very angry, count to 100.
- Have an outlet to vent. Talk to a friend, spouse, online forum, or something. This can help ease your tension.
- De-stress regularly (music, leisure, massage, physical intimacy, whatever).
- Don’t keep replaying some event. I know this is easier said than done. However, try to put it out of your mind. You will blow it up and become very angry.
Finally, here are some great proverbs about anger:
- “A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards” (Proverbs 29:11).
- “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
- “The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression” (Proverbs 19:11).
- “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:32)