Can two INTJs successfully date, marry, or form a friendship? Will a relationship for INTJ couples be difficult? Are INTJ couples even compatible? What are some of the pros and cons of this MBTI relationship? Many people have requested that I talk about the relationship dynamics between INTJ couples, so let’s get to it.
Here’s the thing with MBTI: type actually doesn’t matter when it comes to marital happiness or friendship. I’ll probably repeat that in every video that I do on this topic. The person matters a whole lot more than type. An INTJ-INTJ marriage or friendship could be just as happy (or just as miserable) as any other combination of types.
However, every type combination will have pros and cons, even when two of the same type form a relationship. Here are a few pros and cons within an INTJ-INTJ relationship (dating, marriage, or friendship).
Pros of Relationships between Two INTJs:
- INTJ relationships will be low maintenance. There won’t be as much emphasis on gifts, traditions, social interaction, and all that jazz.
- INTJs will enjoy endless hours of intellectual conversations, debates, and sarcastic humor. It’s just what we do.
- INTJs will be direct with one another. There will be no need for mind games or passive communication. INTJs say what they mean and mean what they say.
- INTJs will understand each other’s motives and thinking. Humans tend to naturally assume that everyone thinks like they think. That’s not true, but in the case of another INTJ, you’ll find that you actually do think a lot alike, especially if you agree on things like politics, religion, etc. There will be a basic understanding of what you like and dislike, and that will make things a lot easier.
- INTJs will likely enjoy similar hobbies and leisure activity. You’ll both probably enjoy strategy games, video games, reading, surfing the internet, bingeing on Netflix, planning everything, making lists, and listening to music. That makes things a lot easier.
- Everything will be planned to perfection. You will be able to team up and plan the perfect vacation, business, family, and life together, probably within the first month of meeting.
- Your house will probably be organized and streamlined. Some INTJs are messier than others, but a lot of INTJs tend to have very organized and “minimalist” decorating tastes. I picture a house with organized drawers, a simple wardrobe closet, and very clean yet basic decorations. You’ll have everything positioned for practical use and in a logical layout.
- You’ll both probably become millionaires. Let’s face it, two INTJs together is a dangerous combination of intellect and drive. That’s a great combination for success.
- If you have children, you’ll probably research everything about them and raise them to be super intelligent, independent, and successful. In many INTJ-INTJ relationships, one INTJ will be more extroverted than the other INTJ. So, even though they are both INTJs, there are enough differences so that they can usually assist each other’s weak area. One will probably be a little more nurturing. You’ll both want your children to be independent. And it’s quite possible you’ll have a small family (or even no kids).
Cons of Two INTJs in Romance
- INTJs may struggle to show affection, express feelings, or maintain intimacy with one another. Some INTJ couples have mentioned this. Even if an INTJ couple does express affection to one another, it will likely be done in private. Some people may characterize your relationship as being “cold.”
- You may fall into a pessimistic, misanthropic, or depression-fueled mindset. It’s not uncommon for INTJs to do that, but when you both do it together, you may struggle to pull yourselves out of it. It can begin to characterize your relationship. You can both binge on criticisms and cynicism.
- You may become reclusive hermits and disappear from society. INTJs have the tendency to withdraw when they’ve been hurt. They can become frustrated by society or people, and that may drive them to isolate more. They also find chit-chat boring, so they may resist small talk and social events.
- You may struggle raising children. If you do have children, you’ll want to be sure that you can communicate your feelings and show affection to your children. INTJ couples may find children to be exhausting and difficult to manage. I find that children are exhausting and difficult to manage, and I’m utterly thankful that my ISFJ wife is superwoman to help me with that. I can definitely see how two INTJs could struggle in this area.
- You can both become extremely stubborn. INTJs can have picky standards of living that can be hard to break. You’ll both have to adapt to each other’s high standards and living habits. Endless debates about the way the toilet paper should be positioned may take place in the beginning, but you’ll likely compromise over time.
- The relationships probably won’t have a lot of gifts, surprises, romance. That’s not to say that INTJs can’t or won’t do those things, it’s just not a big priority for a lot of INTJs. The good news is that the other INTJ probably won’t care about it, either.
- INTJs often collide with people of different beliefs. Take an INTJ atheist and an INTJ theist as an example. There’s going to be some heated debates and trouble there, because both feel very strongly and believe they are right. INTJs can become annoyed when arguing or dealing with a person who disagrees with their position. This can stifle the relationship, including friendships.
- Neither of you will ever ask for help. You’ll be super independent and probably try to accomplish everything yourselves.
- In friendships, INTJs don’t need to see each other. Two INTJ friends may go weeks or even months without seeing or talking to each other. Then, they’ll simply pick up where they left off. They will both recognize that there is a low need to talk or hang out all the time. Of course, this totally depends on the INTJ, as some may want to hang out more often. This is also true of INTJ-INTP relationships.
I’ve never dated another INTJ, but I do have an INTJ nephew. My wife’s grandmother is also an INTJ. I tend to get along well with other INTJs (and NTs in general). We enjoy intellectual conversations about politics, technology, and science. We treat each other respectfully. I always enjoy discussing things with an INTJ, because it requires virtually no effort to connect on an intellectual level, especially when we share the same interests. Having said that, INTJs can be the most obnoxious people on the planet when you have a sharp disagreement on some topic.
When two INTJs begin to debate or disagree, you finally learn what happens when an unstoppable force meets and immovable object. It isn’t always pretty! Sarcasm, insults, and walls of text or dialogue begin to emerge. Again, this is also true with any clash between two “NT” types.
In conclusion, there are many examples of two INTJs successfully marrying or dating. Two INTJs can also get along in family situations or in friendships. However, there can also be struggles in this relationship dynamic, as with any combination of the sixteen types. Look at the person, not the type. Understand your strengths and weaknesses, and work to improve those weaknesses.
If you feel compelled to date or befriend and INTJ, I say go for it! Next, you can begin your plans to take over the entire world and rule it with an advanced INTJ family clan.