Many INTJs struggle with the issue of dating. INTJs may struggle in meeting someone due to their introverted and secretive nature. In addition, INTJs may struggle in showing emotion.
In this article and video, I’ll offer a few quick tips for the INTJ looking to date.
INTJ Dating Tips
- You’ve got to be around people in order to meet people. A girl or guy isn’t going to mysteriously pop up into your underground lair. You have to plant yourself in some social situation on a regular basis so that you can meet people. It can be school, a job, church, chess club, convention, or whatever. That will take effort because most INTJs view clubs and things like that to be a waste of time, but it’s worth it.
- You could also try to connect with someone online, but that’s always “iffy.” I have heard of couples meeting and successfully marrying after online dating, but there are unique challenges to that situation.
- Do a grooming tune-up. Make sure you have a decent haircut. Dress nicely. Bathe. Make yourself marketable.
- Remember that people are attracted to people for different reasons. For example, if you’re an INTJ guy, there are lots of women who will be attracted to you for reasons other than looks. A lot of women like a man that exudes a humble confidence. Some women are impressed by success. Some women are impressed by intelligence. Some women just want a man to be faithful and loving to them. Some people want a mate who shares their values or interests. Looks aren’t the only thing that matters, so don’t worry if you have some perceived problem (big ears, big nose, too short, too tall, or whatever).
- Once you have someone in mind, you need to open up dialogue with them. If you struggle with small talk, try to establish contact with the person via some written format. You can contact them through online forums, email, text messaging, or social media. This will enable you to learn more about the person and provide opportunities for flirtation or invitations to dinner or a movie.
- Remember that a lot of people may be unsure if you like them as an INTJ. We have the death stare. We don’t show our emotions to people we don’t know well. So a person may have no clue that you’re even interested in them. You may have to be direct with them.
- Once you start dating, go out of your comfort zone. Find out what’s important for you mate, and try to do those things to please them. If they like certain social events, you may have to suck it up. If they like certain music or flowers, you may have to compromise. I would buy flowers for my wife when we were dating, even though I think flowers are a waste of money.
- Try to determine their type, and read about the person’s type so that you can know where you may have conflicts or where you can impress them. Also, ask them to read about you so that they can learn more about how INTJs tend to operate. However, don’t let type stop you from dating someone.
- Learn to communicate your feelings early in the relationship, and let the person know if they’ve done something to offend you or make you upset. Do it tactfully, not like an INTJ jerk.
- Open up to your mate. Once you feel comfortable, talk to your mate about your fears, your insecurities, etc. It may feel risky, but it can pay off.
I hope those tips help some of you who are hoping to find a mate. Many INTJs become frustrated after they’ve been burned in a relationship. It’s easy for people with our type to jump to conclusions based on incomplete patterns. I like to remind INTJs that there are over 7 billion people in the world. Even if you’ve dated 100 losers, that still leaves BILLIONS of possible mates.
Don’t give up! While not everyone is called to marry, if you have the desire, I do believe you will find someone that fits you like a glove. Also, I have an article on how INTJs approach dating.