Do INTJs have feelings? Do they express emotions? INTJ personality types often get the stereotype of being cold, unloving, and emotionless, but that’s often a false stereotype. While every INTJ is different, many INTJs do feel emotions. As an INTJ male, I can be very affectionate, and I often feel very intense emotions.
In this article (and video), I’ll tell you how I tend to express my emotions.
How INTJs Feel Emotions
Here are some of my own observations and experiences when it comes to INTJ emotions:
- INTJs can experience any and all types of emotions. I can feel sad, depressed, happy, fearful, etc.
- I hate watching sad movies because it sets off a series of scenarios of how I might lose someone in my life, and that can make me feel very sad.
- INTJs can cry but rarely do so unless they are under a lot of stress, sadness, or something. We also avoid letting others see us cry.
- INTJs can be head-over-heels in love, infatuated, etc.
- INTJs can be extremely sensitive to criticism or rejection.
- INTJs can sometimes be passive with emotions or dialogue. If someone upsets an INTJ, the INTJ will respond by either confronting the person, or by internalizing it. The INTJ will then likely make changes to avoid that person (or cut them out entirely).
- One thing I’ve noticed is that some INTJs will allow little aggravations to build, and then they’ll become intensely angry with a person. People may be surprised to know how upset they’ve made an INTJ. We can throw up things the offending person has done for the past year to get on our nerves, and we can be vicious with our tongues.
Do INTJs Express Emotions, and if so, How?
In my experience, most INTJs do not express emotions or affection very often in public, especially to people they don’t know well. This may be why many INTJs have the “cold” or “emotionless” stereotype. In addition, INTJs may find it easier to express themselves in written format, such as in an email or text message.
INTJs rarely reveal their emotions through facial expressions:
If someone were to insult me in public, I’d likely take the criticism internally. My face would have the same expression on it before you said something as compared to after. But the insult would hurt. We have the ability to hide our emotions because we detach our physical gestures from our thoughts and feelings. I’m the same way if I’m excited.
Ironically, even though INTJs have the stereotype of having no emotions, we can actually be more sensitive than other types, especially to criticisms or insults. After all, many INTJs struggle with perfectionism.
These are the types of emotions or affections I express to others in public (non-family):
- I may compliment others.
- I may shake hands or pat a person on the shoulder.
- I may offer to help a person in some way.
I’m not terribly expressive or affectionate to people I don’t know well. However, I do express emotions and affections with those closest to me, which in my case, is my wife and son. I can be extremely affectionate to them.
For example, here’s how I show emotions or affection to loved ones:
- I often express myself verbally to my wife. I will tell her my fears, hopes, dreams, passions, etc.
- I take time to listen to my wife express herself.
- I tell my wife how much she means to me, how beautiful she is, and so forth.
- I will cuddle in bed with my wife, run my fingers through her hair, kiss her, hug her, and things like that.
- I will also kiss, hug, and wrestle with my son. I often tell him that I love him.
- I rarely display those emotions in public while I’m with them. When my wife and I are in public, we don’t always hold hands, we rarely (if ever) kiss, and so forth. I only do it in the privacy of my home.
In conclusion, most INTJs (including myself) express emotions to loved ones. We feel emotions deeply, and we can even be hypersensitive to criticisms or insults, depending on our life circumstances.