How do INTJs feel about gifts? Do INTJ hate receiving or giving gifts? Every INTJ is different, and some don’t mind the whole gift thing. However, many INTJs do seem to express frustration with the problems that gift giving or receiving can bring. In this article (and video), I’ll share how I approach this topic as an INTJ.
INTJ Gift Giving or Receiving
First, I very much dislike the burden that society has created by turning every season or month into some gift-giving event–Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays, etc. It seems that every time you turn around, you have an obligation to buy a gift for someone. If you don’t buy them a gift, you come off as a cheap, insensitive jerk, and I hate that. If you do buy everyone a gift, you’re constantly trying to keep up with what to get whom, and at what price.
Even during Christmas, my favorite holiday, I get wrapped up “wondering” if some random acquaintance or extended family member will get me a gift. I spend time trying to decide whether I should pre-emptively buy something for these acquaintances, “just in case.”
How I approach Giving Gifts:
- I am a very practical guy, so it is important for me to buy a gift for someone with meaning—either something someone can use or something they’ve mentioned.
- I usually give money or gift cards as a gift, especially if the person refuses to give hints (or if I don’t know them particularly well).
- I tend to ask people for gift ideas, or if I really like the person, I may try to start observing what they want a few months in advance and create a “list.”
- I only buy gifts for those to whom I’m very close, and I discourage people outside of my “inner circle” from buying me gifts.
- I never re-gift. I re-gifted something I got from some party once, and I just felt like a fake. I’ve never re-gifted since.
- I never buy gifts as a manipulation tactic, and I’m always skeptical of people who buy me gifts if I don’t know them well. One tactic of a manipulator is that they’ll go out of their way to buy something for you or do something for you, hoping that they will then be able to con you into doing something bigger for them.
INTJ Gift-Giving Tips
If you’re an INTJ who is struggling in buying people gifts, here are a few tips:
- Ask for some hints of what they want, and write it down.
- Listen for people to talk about their hobbies, and ask them more about that.
- Ask the person’s friends for ideas, or look at their search history on internet.
- Ask them to create an Amazon wish list.
- At a holiday get-together, insist on people bringing gifts for a set amount, and then you can draw names and people can select which gift they want. This helps remove some of the awkwardness and uncertainty of giving-giving.
How INTJs Feel about Receiving Gifts
I don’t mind (and even like) receiving gifts from close loved ones. However, I generally dislike receiving gifts from people outside of my inner circle. It makes me feel awkward. I feel this need to reciprocate, almost like I have an unpaid debt plaguing my mind.
- I dislike receiving gifts from most people. I feel like I owe them something, or that I’m obligated to do something for them. When I get a gift from some random person or acquaintance, it sets off a complex series of thought processes that go something like this: Do I need to buy something for them? How much should I spend to equal or exceed their gift? What would they even want? What if so-and-so gets me a gift? It’s very draining and annoying, which defeats the whole purpose of gift giving. In my opinion, gifts are largely unnecessary. I like to show people I love them by the way I treat them, not by giving them “things.”
- I also dislike getting gifts because I’m very picky about my styles and tastes. I don’t want people to decorate my house or buy me clothes, because it may be something that goes against my personal taste or preference.
- I generally dislike surprises, but there are exceptions to this.
- I only want practical gifts. In other words, I want one of three things from you: Money, gift cards (to places I actually shop), or something from a pre-arranged list of things I’d like to have (which I will create upon request). That’s it. Don’t get me anything else because I don’t want it. I’m not trying to sound arrogant, it’s just that I’m a bit of a minimalist and perfectionist, and I hate for people to waste their precious time or money on something I don’t want or can’t use in the first place.
- I have no attachment to gifts. I’m not a materialistic person, and I don’t like to collect things or store clutter.
- I also dislike the whole Christmas card thing. I think Christmas cards are the biggest waste of money in society. Some people spend $50-400 on sending cards to everyone they know. What’s wrong with a simple email or text message from the heart?
Tips for Buying an INTJ a Gift…
If you want to buy an INTJ a gift, here are a few tips for you:
- For holidays that involve gift exchanges, let them know in advance that you’d like to exchange gifts. This reduces the “surprise,” and it gives the INTJ time to plan a way to reciprocate.
- If you are exchanging gifts, set a dollar amount. It helps the INTJ know how much to spend on you. This way, he or she won’t have to stress about whether they’ve spent enough money.
- Ask the INTJ to come up with a list, and give him or her a day or two to create it.
- Give each other a “wishlist,” or drop hints after you’ve agreed to exchange gifts.
- See if the INTJ has a wish list on Amazon.com or other popular retail sites.
- Gift cards and money are always a practical gift that an INTJ will appreciate.