Are INTJs private people? Yes! INTJs are often very private people, perhaps the most private out of all of the sixteen personality types. I have always been a private person for as long as I can remember. I generally dislike volunteering certain information to people, especially if I don’t know them well. Most of my acquaintances don’t know the “real” me.
In fact, I can remember when my wife and I had joined a new church a few years ago. After meeting a new couple, they told us, “We were afraid to approach you. Everyone thought you two were just really private people.” They were right! I guess I give off that vibe to others…
I feel uncomfortable when too much attention is focused on me. When meeting a new person, I prefer to talk about ideas, not my own private life. I keep many of those things guarded, and my wife is the only person on earth who knows the full depth of my personality and mind.
Is privacy a common trait for INTJ personality types? Yes, according to most online articles. Here are a few examples and quotes from popular articles:
“To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand” (Typelogic.com).
“INTJs are generally extremely private – many do not even care to be touched – and so do not naturally gravitate to the social mores which require small talk and meaningless witticisms” (Personalityinstitute.tripod.com).
“Ambitious yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy” (16personalities.com).
“Whatever the reasons, the fact remains that Newton’s defensive secretiveness makes it extremely difficult to form a full and balanced assessment of his character. There are no private diaries, and hardly any of his correspondence touches on details of his private life or state of mind” (Newtonproject.sussex.ac.uk).
Consider These Observations about INTJ Privacy
- The majority of subscribers on my INTJ YouTube channel do not use their real names or avatars. Of those who do, I’m sure at least some are fictitious or pseudonyms. Few share their true identity, and even then, it’s probably for some purpose.
- Most INTJ forum members have fake/cartoon avatars and made-up usernames.
- Many INTJ blogs or articles I’ve found online through the years were written anonymously. As a funny illustration, one author used the name Joe Butt in the article. Perhaps he’s related to another couple I know by the name of Joe and Angie. You know, Joe Mama Angie Daddy! This isn’t too surprising, especially considering how I have created many websites through the years, and I almost always did it anonymously.
- It was extremely hard for me to decide to film videos for YouTube. I felt like I was abandoning a portion of my privacy.
- INTJs tend to turn off their “status” on email, chats, and other similar forms of INTJ communication.
So clearly, INTJs tend to be private or secretive personality types. It’s just in our nature.
Why Do INTJs Love Being Secretive or Private
I’m very private, some might even say secretive. I don’t like to disclose things about my personal life to people. I hate having the blinds open in my house when it gets dark, simply because I don’t want someone to peek into my house. I’ve blogged anonymously, and I don’t want attention or the lime light to be on me.
If someone asks me what I do for a living, I usually respond with a very vague statement such as, “I own my own business” or “I develop websites.” I generally hate telling people any details of my private life or business. This is probably strange to some people, because most love to brag about those things. I don’t. I don’t care what people think about me–I want my privacy. I’ll disclose facts I feel comfortable disclosing, and that’s it.
Why is this true? I think INTJs become weary of having to explain details to people. INTJs also hate for people to begin to meddle and ask nosy questions. INTJs also dislike having to waste energy defending themselves if you disagree with some position or choice they’ve made. Instead, we’d rather spend that energy on something productive.
Never Take an INTJs Love for Privacy for Granted
If you have an INTJ friend, acquaintance, or romantic partner, I’d strongly advise you to never do the following.
- Never ask an INTJ too many details about his or her personal life. If an INTJ likes and trusts you, they will open up over time.
- Don’t tell the private details of an INTJs life to another person. You’ll risk ending the friendship or losing their trust. Never assume that because an INTJ told you something, he or she is okay with you telling others.
How INTJs Can Appear Open
People can become very suspicious of private or secretive people (especially INTJs) and assume they’ve got some issue going on. One strategy you can use to overcome the perception of being weird or secretive, is to sit down and make a list of topics you feel comfortable talking about. Then you can open up to people a little about those topics. Volunteer those details, and change the subject if they start asking questions that make you feel uncomfortable.
In addition, you can keep the conversation on others by asking them questions. Most people won’t even come up for breath to ask you a question—they’ll talk about themselves for hours! Many people love talking about themselves.
- Marina Margaret Heiss, “INTJ Profile.” 17 Oct 2009. http://typelogic.com/intj.html
- Fannie R. Linder. “INTJs.” http://personalityinstitute.tripod.com/INTJs.htm
- ‘ “INTJ Personality “The Architect.” ‘ http://www.16personalities.com/intj-personality
- “Isaac Newton’s Private Life.” http://www.newtonproject.ox.ac.uk/his-personal-life