How do INTJs respond to touch? Do INTJs like to be touched or hugged? In this video, I’m going to talk about how INTJs tend to feel about being touched by others.
I think a lot of people would be surprised to know that INTJs are somewhat contradictory when it comes to touch. On one hand, many INTJs hate certain types of touch. On the other hand, we may be incredibly sensitive to, or even enjoy, other forms of touch. Some people may assume we are robots who never touch other humans, only to find out that many INTJs actually enjoy cuddling or hugging with their close mates.
Here’s an interesting quote from personalityjunkie.com:
“the peculiarity of inferior Sensing in Ni types means that our relationship to the physical world is intimidating, confusing, overwhelming and, at times, incredibly frightening.”
In other words, many INTJs dislike touch because we have an inferior sensing function. When we receive this unfamiliar sensory information from an unfamiliar source, we panic a little bit.
So, let’s talk about touch…
Do INTJs Like to be Touched by Strangers?
Generally speaking, INTJ do not like to be touched by people they don’t know well. Some INTJs absolutely hate being touched by others and are very offended if someone hugs them, and they will actually tell people that they don’t do hugs. Other INTJs find it awkward if someone hugs them or touches them, but they’re not offended by it. Other INTJs, perhaps a minority, are okay with hugs and touching.
Here’s my own personal experience with touch:
- I don’t mind to shake someone’s hand when I meet him or her.
- I don’t mind if someone pats me on the back or something like that, especially if it is very brief (although someone just putting their hand on my shoulder for an extended period would be an unwelcome gesture).
- I don’t really like hugs from people who aren’t in my inner circle, but I’m not offended or upset by them. I just feel very awkward. This includes people in extended family or even in-laws. I usually try to reciprocate the hug so as not to appear weird, but it is uncomfortable for me.
INTJs Are Affectionate/Touchy with People They Love
Even though there is this sense of awkwardness or even frustration over touching or hugging random people, many people are surprised to learn that INTJs can actually be quite affectionate with their spouses or even children, though this is usually limited to individuals in their extremely close circle of trust (maybe 1-3 people).
I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m enjoy hugging, cuddling, etc. with my wife and son.
- I will hold my wife’s hand when we drive somewhere.
- I cuddle and snuggle in bed with my wife.
- I like to randomly hug my wife.
- I also like to hug my son. I will ask him to come hug me. I love it when he randomly hugs me.
- I really enjoy a massage or for my wife to kiss on my neck, which is very sensitive to me.
However, some INTJs may struggle in those areas even with loved ones. In David Keirsey’s book titled Please Understand Me, he talks about the NT types, which he terms the “rationals.” He indicated that female NTs are more likely to have a need for intellectual connection before feeling comfortable with physical intimacy (88).
So some INTJs may struggle with that, but many are okay with hugging, cuddling, etc.
INTJs Can be Extra-Sensitive to Touch
Finally, some INTJs do report having this extra-sensitivity when it comes to touch. They can be overwhelmed by it. It can evoke powerful emotions. They can become very frustrated or overwhelmed. It’s like they have a heightened awareness to it, and it makes them feel extremely uncomfortable.
For some, they don’t like massages because they find them painful. They may be extra-sensitive to stomach upsets, and so forth.
In conclusion, most INTJs are okay with touching such as hugs from very close loved ones. However, most find hugs or touches from strangers to be uncomfortable and awkward at best, or downright offensive and “icky” at worst.