Do you have kids? Are you thinking of having kids? If so, this article is for you.
Let me begin by debunking another toxic myth or stereotype that I’ve heard before regarding “INTJs”. Here’s an actual comment someone left on my last video:
“An intj dumb enough breed children into existence, especially now.. No. You’re not an intj at all. You wish.”
- INTJs do not exist. This is all occult pseudoscience nonsense, as I’ve pointed out on my channel in several videos. It shocks me that anyone could still believe in this garbage.
- Having kids has nothing to do with the four letters you get on some Jungian-based personality test. Countless forum threads exist of people identifying as INTJ, and some have children and some don’t. However, according to one study, the majority of “INTJs” (68%) either wanted children (36%) or had children (32%). Interestingly, 73.9% of INTJ men indicated that they’d like to be stay-at-home fathers on either a part-time or full-time basis, making them the third highest type to indicate such a preference! (Don’t get too worried if that shatters your false view of what a true, logical, INTJ mastermind genius is supposed to look like. I’m sure a different study would turn up different results, which is to be expected when you’re studying pseudoscience that came from a nutter [Jung] who supposedly transformed into a god and sought to supplant Jesus Christ by becoming Christ himself).
- My wife became pregnant 3 months BEFORE the coronavirus pandemic erupted, not after.
- Your sentence contained grammatical errors. Is that a trait of a true INTJ? Hmm…
- While I did type as “INTJ” on various Jungian-based tests, I’ve since abandoned all typology. I’ve changed the meaning of INTJ to mean “Investigating Nonsensical Typology Jargon.” I now try to help people break free from the “four-letter thinking” that causes so much confusion, stereotypes, and division.
The Truth about Having Children
Many people have a negative view of children. They view children as a burden or mistake that will ruin their life.
I can understand why people think that way because I used to have the same view. I never really thought I’d have kids, but my wife suddenly decided that she wanted to have a baby.
At first, I was against the idea. I thought, “What if it has some disease, and we are financially ruined due to medical bills? What if it dies and sends us into a depression? What if this or that happens? What if I’m not a good parent? This world is evil, so why do we want to bring another life into it?”
All of those thoughts raced through my mind.
I also experienced a lot of childhood drama, so I didn’t want to cause unnecessary stress in my life by introducing another unknown variable into it. Nevertheless, having children became very important to my wife, so I agreed to try for a baby. After having a child in my house for six years (and another one on the way), I can tell you two things:
- Having a child is an amazing experience, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The Bible says that children are a blessing. In fact, it compares children to arrows in a warrior’s hand. My wife and my son mean everything to me. Having a child forced me to grow and mature in many areas of my life. My son adds more meaning and purpose to my life. I’ve seen so many men who have built family empires with the help of their children. Don’t discount the joy and meaning that a child can add to your life.
- Raising children can be difficult at times. I won’t sugarcoat it: I had moments of frustration. I’d look at my wife in private and ask, “How do people have multiple kids? Are they all insane! I’ll never do this again!” But over time, things got easier. My son grew and developed, and I adapted and began enjoying fatherhood.
I always tell people that the magic age is around five years old. At that age, kids can actually communicate and help you do little things around the house. It just keeps getting better from that age. Not being able to have a reasonable conversation with my child was the hardest part for me. I wasn’t a huge fan of the baby phase. Nevertheless, it was very satisfying seeing my son develop and hit the big milestones.
I know that many of you feel that having kids would be a mistake. I agree that not everyone is called to have kids or even to get married. However, I can honestly say that having children has enhanced my life in ways that I can’t even describe.
It takes work and sacrifice, but most things that are worth anything in life require effort. If you want to build a nice physique, you have to work out in the gym. If you want to build a business, it takes work. Do you want a great marriage? It takes work. Raising children takes work, but you get a tremendous blessing from it if you do it right.
And trust me: I wouldn’t have had baby #2 if I didn’t mean what I just wrote!
INTJ Parenting Tips from the Only True “INTJ”
- Spend time with your kids. I once saw a meme that read, “Children spell love like this: T.I.M.E. And that’s true. Avoid the trap of being too busy with your career or hobbies. It was hard spending time with my son during the baby phase, but now, I incorporate him into everything I do. That doesn’t mean I never have downtime, but I do make time for him. When I change the oil in the car, I take him downstairs with me. We’ll play board games. I’ll let him chase my drone around in the yard. I ask questions and let him express his feelings and thoughts. My wife and I believe in fostering a close relationship with our kids, which some people refer to as “attachment parenting.”
- Be affectionate. Here’s another toxic stereotype is that people will say: “INTJs don’t like to show affection.” That’s how people use this pseudoscience. They blame everything on four letters or give an astrology reading. I have no problem showing affection to my son. Some people may struggle showing affection, especially if they have some other disorder or suffered childhood abuse. However, it is important to hug your child and say “I love you.” Point out things your child does well and say, “Wow, you did an awesome job on this.” Many people today struggle with insecurities because their parents weren’t affectionate or encouraging.
- Teach your children morals. Some people believe that they shouldn’t teach their children morals or faith. I like what Adrian Rogers once said: “Some people spend more time training their dog than they do their children. Then they tie up the dog at night and let the kids run wild.” God commands multiple times in the Bible to train and teach your children (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). Tell them parables containing moral lessons. Make up bedtime stories. Read the Bible to them and explain passages in kid’s terms. Present simple moral dilemmas and see if they can determine the appropriate solution. Sing hymns with them. When you see something happen on the news, make an example out of it. Also, take them to church, but remember that it’s still your job to teach them by word and example.
- Educate your children. I’m a big believer in a quality education. My wife and I both attended public school and a secular university. Sadly, many public schools today offer a poor educational experience, and most secular universities are basically Marxist indoctrination centers. My wife and I opted to homeschool our children. Not everyone has that option, but that’s what we decided. We use Abeka, which incorporates a Christian worldview into the education system. Keep in mind, your child will be taught values and a worldview. It will either come from you or Marx, so take your pick. Anyway, Abeka streams online lectures for each lesson, and comes with the corresponding books and worksheets. It’s pretty rigorous, and in kindergarten my son learned stuff I didn’t learn until around 3rd grade.
- Don’t choose your child’s career. I’m always asking myself these questions: What does my child enjoy? What are his talents and interests? What does he feel that he’s called to do? It’s my job to find out what he feels that God has called him to do, and then to help him in that pursuit. It’s not my job to say, “I think being lawyer sounds prestigious, so that’s what you’re going to do!”
- Discipline your children. There is a difference between abuse and discipline. I use different methods depending on the situation. Sometimes, a verbal rebuke is enough. Sometimes, I might take away a toy or privilege. In other cases, a timeout might be appropriate. I also use positive motivation. I asked my son to clean his room one time, and he started whining about it. I said, “I’m going to time you. If you can clean this room within 5 minutes, you’ll get any snack you want.” I’ve never seen him clean it so fast in his life! In serious cases of defiance, I will spank my son, but I always make sure he understands what he did wrong and that he was at an appropriate age for spankings. The Bible repeatedly talks about the importance of discipline: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (Proverbs 13:24)”. The Bible condemns being overly aggressive or mean-spirited in your discipline: “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). So use different methods to discipline your children, and do it at the right age, in the right spirit, and with the intention of correcting behavior.
- Guard your children. We live in a sick world, and it’s your job to protect your children. Here are the four biggies that I’m constantly protecting my son against:
- Pedophiles and perverts. Read articles about common traits of pedophiles, and never leave your children in a situation where they could be abused. Trust no one, and guard your child against porn and other such filth, especially when they become computer literate.
- Movies, music, and other entertainment. People are working double overtime to corrupt society. There are two movies that will absolutely shock you if you watch them: Hollywood Unmasked and They Sold Their Souls for Rock and Roll. These movies do a wonderful job of showing you how these people are trying to create propaganda to corrupt your children. Let your children enjoy entertainment, but vet it before you let them absorb it.
- Avoidance of all Drugs. I’m drilling into my sons head, “Don’t do drugs of any kind.” A YouTuber recently died in a car crash because the driver of the vehicle was drunk. I use these stories as an example to show my son that he needs to stay away from all recreational drugs.
- Avoidance of other children who are negative influences. Of course, if your child hangs around a bad influence, they might be exposed to things such as drugs or sex.
- Give them a good childhood. I love to joke around with my son. I play pranks on him. I wrestle with him and act silly. I buy him toys he wants. My wife and I will often buy season passes to theme parks and other attractions so we have plenty of activities to do. I want my son to have a good childhood that is filled with love, stability, and happiness. My wife and my kids are my best friends. If I ever feel that things are getting too tense or boring in the house, that’s generally a sign that we’re overdue for some fun or an extended vacation.
- Don’t be a hypocrite. I’m not perfect, but I always try to make sure that my beliefs match my actions. If I tell my son that something is immoral, I don’t want to turn around and do that immoral thing. I told my son not to use a certain phrase the other day, and I turned around and said it the next day. He called me on it. I had to stop and say, “Son, you’re right. I shouldn’t have said that phrase. I told you that we need to use better language.” Admit your mistakes and apologize to your kids when you mess up. Adrian Rogers once said, “Your kids don’t want to know if you’re perfect. They already know you’re not perfect. Your kids want to know this: Are you real?” Be real but show your flaws and how you repent and address those flaws. Give them an example of how to make things right.
- Be united with your spouse. If my wife tells my son he can’t do a certain thing, then I’m not going to undermine my wife and let him do that certain thing. If I disagree with my wife, I’ll take her aside and discuss it with her privately. But we’re always united and decide and enforce things as a team.
Finally, if you’re a mother, don’t ever let anyone make you feel worthless for having or raising children. What you are doing is so very important and special. As the saying goes, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”
Some of the greatest individuals in history became that way largely because of the influence of an amazing mother (or wife).
People really do take this MBTI / Jungian typology stuff to extremes, and it warps their entire life. There are many negative consequences that people experience when they buy into Jung’s pseudoscience. I’ve seen people let it rule their relationships, careers, personal attitudes, and so much more.
My hope is that everyone can break free and stop letting this nonsense dictate their decisions, perception of self, and more.